10 Offensively Sexy Emojis

If we live in a world where our emojis don't even pass the Bechdel test, how will we ever progress? Here are 10 emojis that are setting unrealistic standards for women everywhere:

1. 

 

Take "sassy girl emoji". The lamestream media wants me to look like her. Happy, no teeth, no eyelids, no body underneath my chest. Not only that, but having my arm not connected to the rest of my body?? Talk about unfair expectations. It would be ridiculous for any real woman to look like this.

2. 

Like the WORLD isn't already expecting me to be a wife, it's now expecting me to be a wife with NO TEETH, NO EYELIDS, NO BODY, and I somehow lost the ONLY ARM I HAD? Wow. Great. Thanks, media.

3.

 

Don't even get me started on this. I mean, how long are we going to have girls aspire to this emoji? Being one girl is ENOUGH pressure, but now we have to be two girls who have four black tic-tacs in their hair WHILE kicking their left leg at the SAME TIME?? Thanks for nothing, society!

4. 

These girls are some of the worst offenders of false standards of beauty. Not only are they joined at the hand, which is OBVIOUSLY photoshopped, but they also have no mouths. Like us with mouths have to use our imperfect mouths to apologize for not naturally having no mouths. Ugh, the world we live in.

5. 

Just another emoji making young girls turn away from computer science to getting plastic surgery to look like a dancer with no hands and no face. There's no saying whether she even has a second leg. It's 2015. We need something to change.

6. 

Wow. As if our bodies weren't tough enough to deal with, now we're expected to NOT HAVE THEM??? Raise your hand if you've been expected to not only look good in a bikini, but to then LITERALLY just BECOME ONE.

7. 

Sure, we all have feet, but do all of us have to subscribe to the monsters wanting women to be two red footprints so close together and angled at 10º (just eyeballing here)?? Why do we have to compare ourselves to this? DISGUSTING.

8.

We get it, media. We get it, umbrella. Why don't you just tell ALL GIRLS they're ugly? That's right. Why don't you just remember the face of your MOTHER, your SISTER, your DAUGHTER, and tell EVERY WOMAN YOU'VE MET that these emojis are RUINING US ALL.

9.

Really, Emoji?? YOUNG girls are looking at these, every day, telling themselves they're not beautiful. And according to these standards, they can't be until they become a top hat.

10.

You know what? Screw the public. Screw the media's representation of women. Screw these false standards that we have to live up to. We are ALL beautiful in our own way. Even if we aren't a single drop of water. Even if we can never be a single drop of water.